


Tales of kings

by Ischa



Category: Chronicles of Narnia (Movies), Chronicles of Narnia - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Feelings, M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-02
Updated: 2011-07-02
Packaged: 2017-10-20 23:10:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/218101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ischa/pseuds/Ischa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a story about how Peter learns to give up being a king, how Edmund gives up trying to understand his brother and how Caspian learns to be king.<br/></p><p>
  <i>“He is not in love with me.”</i>
  <br/>
  <i>“He is in love with the idea of you,” Edmund says.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tales of kings

**Title:** Tales of kings  
 **Pairing:** Caspian/Peter  
 **Rating:** R  
 **Summary:** This is a story about how Peter learns to give up being a king, how Edmund gives up trying to understand his brother and how Caspian learns to be king.  
 _“He is not in love with me.”_  
“He is in love with the idea of you,” Edmund says.  
 **Warning(s):** angst, sex  
 **Author’s Notes:** Narnia fiction. *hands!* Movie-based.  
 **Word Count:** 5.358  
 **Beta:** asm-z  
 **Disclaimer:** Don’t know, don’t own, not real

\--+--  
~1~  
 _Edmund_

At first it was a shock. They didn’t really know what would happen. And seeing yourself as a kid again, and knowing that everyone else will too – that was the shocking part. Just for a second, because he had dealt with much worse.

~+~  
“Peter!” Susan says and she sounds so disapproving again. He really can’t stand it. Peter looks vaguely in her direction, then just wipes the blood from his face with a hand. It smears, of course. Susan sighs, he knows she really doesn’t want to ask, but she will anyway. “What was it this time?”  
Here we go, he thinks.

“Nothing I couldn’t deal with,” Peter answers. Obviously Edmund thinks.

“Oh, Peter.” And she sounds stern.

“Go clean up before anyone else sees you like this,” Edmund says and he means Lucy more than anyone else in the world. He knows she is worried. They all are. Peter does.

“I’ll go and talk to him,” Susan throws in.

“No, he will yell at you again. I’ll go,” Edmund answers, getting up from the chair he was sitting in.

“He will yell at you too,” she says. He nods, he knows that. But he also knows she is glad he’s going.

~+~  
“Peter,” Edmund says as he enters the room they are sharing; Peter is staring out of the window at the dark London streets. It’s raining again. Edmund misses the sun. Maybe more than anything else he misses the sun.

“I was king!” Peter yells, turning around to face his brother. His hair is wet and his face is still a mess. He needs to stop this, Edmund thinks.

“So was I,” Edmund answers calmly, leaning against the door. The wood feels cold, but not solid enough in his back. He knows anyone could break in. For the first few weeks he just couldn’t feel safe here. “Susan was queen, as was Lucy,” he adds.

“Susan never wanted to be queen, and Lucy…” Peter trails off. Edmund knows he can’t say a bad word about Lucy, she is his favourite. She always has been.

“You need to accept that we are back now, that we are…ourselves now.”

“Again. And I’m not the person I was before. I am not, Edmund. How can you be? How can Susan go back to this…this life!” He spits the last word out with so much venom that Edmund needs to look away from his face.  
He suspected that it would be the hardest for Peter. Edmund doesn’t say that this is all that they have now, that they couldn’t stay, because, of course, Peter knows that.

“Susan is worried.”

“I know, I just can’t help it,” Peter answers.

“Lucy is too, you need to get a grip on yourself, for her,” Edmund adds. He knows it edges on cruelty to tell Peter that, but he also knows that Peter really needs to get a grip on himself again.  
Peter nods, of course that doesn’t mean anything. Maybe he will try. Edmund is pretty sure he will try, but it’s Peter and he was king; once upon a time he was king of Narnia.

~+~  
It seems like a fairy tale now, like it was never real. But Edmund knows it’s not and he knows Peter can’t forget it either. Life seems dull and pointless, and on the verge of war, a war they can’t fight in, rather frustrating.

~+~  
 _Caspian_

He learned about Narnia, the old Narnia from his nurse before she was sent away (and it was his fault, he is too aware of it, was back then as a child even), but what he really needed to know he learned from Doctor Cornelius.  
As a child he tried to be like his uncle, but maybe because he knew that his uncle didn’t really love him, he looked somewhere else for inspiration to be a great king. There was the obvious choice: His father. But Caspian barely knew him, barely could remember the man. And there was High King Peter. Who was so present in his life. Like he never went away. And no one even knows why and maybe he is dead by now. It didn’t matter at all. High King Peter was everything that was good and magnificent and right. And Caspian, even as a child, could see that, and later he wanted to be such a king. A king worthy of Narnia, of Peter.

~+~  
 _Peter_

He can see the look in her eyes; seconds before his head is smashed against the wall. He hates to see her like that, but he can’t not do this. It’s not a matter of temper, because she said something like this once, after the first few months they were back. (And he was still hoping back then that they will be back to Narnia. He doesn’t hope anymore and maybe that’s why everything just seems so pointless. He suspects Ed can see right through him. Ed is after all a boy, well, man too. ) It’s a matter of pride. He doesn’t think she would understand that.

“What was it this time?” She asks, Lucy looks sad and that makes him feel guilty. He looks away from her face and at the rail way. It’s safer that way.

“He bumped me.”

“So you hit him?”

“No, after he bumped me they tried to make me apologize. That's when I hit him.” He says a bit frustrated with her already.

“Really, is it that hard to just walk away?” she asks, looking curiously at him. He would love to say that no, it isn’t, but yes, it is.

“I shouldn't have to! I mean, don't you ever get tired of being treated like a kid?” Because he is sick of it.

“We are kids!” Edmund throws in. He hates sometimes how reasonable Ed can be.

“Well I wasn't always,” he answers, because he wasn’t and he still doesn’t feel like a kid. It is all too fresh. His life, the life he was born to lead, is still too fresh in his memory.  
To just let it go.  
To just forget.

~2~  
 _Caspian_

The thing is, Caspian realised pretty fast, that the tales never live up to reality. You should really never meet your heroes in person.  
Peter the Magnificent is nothing like Caspian had imagined. After the first meeting, he knew that Peter doesn’t think this throne belongs to Caspian. He is sure Peter still thinks of it as his. And who can blame him? It was his, after more than thousand years people still remember him. Still whisper his name in awe, still adore him.  
Like Caspian did.  
He can see it in the eyes of the Narnians, his people, they will follow Peter, not him. Peter is their king, they know that, they remember and they trust him to give them back what belonged to them; what belongs to them. What’s their’s. Narnia.  
They don’t trust Caspian, that much is pretty obvious.

~+~  
 _Peter_

Peter is pissed, because this, this _boy_ was expecting someone else.  
“You are a boy too.” Edmund points out, reasonably as ever. “You might be even younger than he is.”

“Now,” Peter hisses in his direction. Ed sighs.

“Doesn’t change how he sees you, or how you see him,” Ed says.

“He has no idea how to lead an army into battle. He is a child, Ed.”

“Do I need to point out the obvious again here?”

“You know what I mean. I know what I’m doing.”

“I know you have it covered,” Ed answers. Peter glares at him. “I’m not afraid of you.” Peter smiles, it’s a good thing that Ed is not afraid of him. “I know you.”

“Yeah,” Peter admits. Because it’s true, Ed knows him better than anyone else ever could. More than Peter would let anyone else for that matter.

“He tries his best,” Ed says.

“I guess.”

“He is on our side. We are on his…”

“Yeah, yeah. I know, he’s still such a child.”

“He adores you,” Ed says with a grin. Peter's eyes snap to his brother's. “You’re totally his hero.”

“He shouldn’t. I’m not anyone’s saviour.”

“You are.”

“Ed…”

“Not mine idiot! Narnia’s.”

~+~  
 _Edmund_

It is of course not true, Peter is his saviour, was his saviour, even before Narnia. Peter always looked out for him. And maybe that’s why he did what he did, and he is not proud of it. But the White Witch was… beautiful in all her cruel glory.  
Maybe Caspian is feeling a bit like he did back then, with her. Peter can be a bit intimidating. Even as a boy, he still has the King inside him; the king who isn’t afraid to kill to win. Who isn’t afraid to fight.  
Edmund knows Peter doesn’t think about it like that. He just is. And there is nothing wrong with that. If you know Peter and know that he is prepared to die for… well, them, Edmund guesses.  
Sometimes he isn’t too sure Peter doesn’t want to die here, so he could stay forever in Narnia. Forever the High King.  
He doesn’t like to think about it too deeply, it scares him.

~3~  
 _Caspian_

“You will not draw your sword against him ever again,” Edmund hisses, his hand fisted in Caspian’s collar. Caspian is too shocked at the moment to do more than just look at Edmund. The wall at his back is hard and unforgiving, but he guesses that Edmund is much harder and much more unforgiving than that rock could ever be.

“He did it first!” Caspian hisses back. He isn’t actually sure Peter did it first, but if he didn’t, well then they did it at the same time. What is it with these boys?

“He’s here because of you,” Edmund says, his breath warm and moist on Caspian’s skin. Something in Edmund’s voice lets Caspian think. He wants to say that it was a mistake like he said to Peter already, but Edmund heard it, Edmund knows. And besides he isn’t too sure anymore it really was one. He knows it was his fault, partly, because he didn’t stick to the plan. So maybe he deserved to be yelled at from the High King. He felt like a brat.

“It was not my fault alone,” Caspian says. Peter could have stopped it. He just didn’t.

“I know,” Edmund admits, letting go of Caspian.

~+~  
 _Edmund_

Edmund saw the rage in Peter, the loss, as they came back. And he knew Peter would blame someone for this. (And himself as well.) It’s not that he is not fair. He is, he was High King after all, it’s just that he doesn’t like to admit that he failed, himself, them, Narnia. Because that’s what happened. Peter was never able to cope with loss that well.  
He held his breath as Caspian drew his sword and in that instant he knew whose side he was on. There never was a real question of his loyalty. But he knows Peter, he knows how his brother can be.  
Maybe he is not as intimidating as Peter, but he also knows that his enemies feared and respected him. He can use that.  
Of course Caspian didn’t expect this from him. Who would? But, truth is, he is Peter’s right hand. So honestly who else?

“I know,” he says, letting go of Caspian. He’s sure Caspian would step back if he could, but he can’t, not with the wall in his back, so he does it instead. “There is no question where his loyalty lies,” Edmund says.

“There’s also none where yours lie,” Caspian answers.  
No, Edmund thinks, there really isn’t.

~+~  
 _Peter_

Maybe, he thinks, maybe he was too harsh, but the loss is still too fresh. Maybe Lucy was right all along. Maybe they should have waited for Aslan.

“I saw Lucy…”

“She washed my head” Peter says, not looking away from Aslan’s portrait.

“It needed to be done.” Edmund answers behind him. Peter smiles.

“I guess, but why does she always have to do it?”

“She’s good at it. And besides she’s your favourite.”

“She’s not.”

“She is and that’s okay.”

“Edmund…”

“I kind of threatened Caspian a few minutes ago,” Edmund says and Peter does turn around to face his brother.

“And then came to find me?”

“Yeah… he is not alone to blame.”

“I know,” Peter answers, because he does know that.

“I’m not saying that you are either… I lost the torch…”

“I was so fucking scared, Edmund,” Peter admits.

“I know,” Edmund says.

“Unfortunate events then…hmm?”

“Yes. You might say so.” Ed answers and sits down next to his brother. “You will make this right again. I know it. You fought the White Witch…you…”

“I didn’t win back then, it was Aslan.”

“You fought the White Witch,” Edmund says firmly. Peter lets him lean against his shoulder and keeps quiet. Edmund is right, he fought the White Witch.

~4~  
 _Edmund_

He didn’t expect to see her ever again. He didn’t expect to see Peter hesitate. He didn’t expect to kill her either.  
He didn’t think about it because it was unthinkable.  
“Yeah, I know. You had it sorted,” he spits at Peter and leaves. He knows, of course, that his brother will find him in time.

~+~  
“You did it again. She could have killed us all!” Edmund yells and Caspian doesn’t even look at him. Edmund doesn’t want to hear any more apologies. He’s so mad. “You are not fit to be king of Narnia.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Caspian answers. “Don’t you think they know that? He lets me feel it every day, every second that he is here that I’m…a disappointment.”

“You’re acting like a brat. Like a total moron. He is High King, he’ll always be High King. This doesn’t mean you can’t be king of Narnia.” Edmund replies.

“I’m not what Narnia needs,” Caspian says and Edmund wants to hit him. Peter is here because of him, Peter never could let go and now he’s back and Edmund knows (he guesses that Peter does as well) that he will not be able to stay here.

“You need to get a grip! He is here because of you and it will tear him apart and it’s your fault and if you don’t try to be half the king he was I’ll kill you with my bare hands,” Edmund says leaving Caspian behind. He has had enough.

~+~  
 _Peter_

“Ed….I’m sorry.”

“Lucy talked to you again?”

“Yeah, but that’s not it.”

“I kinda did it again,” Edmund interrupts him.

“Threatened Caspian?” Peter asks, but he already knows the answer to that.

“I know how you feel about him. I know you don’t think he can be king of Narnia. I know you want to stay here. I know all of it. But Peter, you will not be able to stay.”  
It hurts to hear it, even if he knew it, it still hurts to hear the words. “You need to make him king. A king you can be proud of,” Edmund continues.

Peter knows he is right. “I have no idea how to do that. He is not like us. He is…the enemy.”

“He’s not,” Edmund says reasonably as ever. “He adores you. You are his hero and you know it. How would you feel in his place?”

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t give me that.”

“I don’t have all the answers.”

“Then don’t act like you would.”

“You like him.” Peter says a bit surprised.

“Yes. I do. I think he will be a good king once… he overcomes his fear to be not good enough, to be not like you. He is not like you. He is…”

“Caspian,” Peter finishes. Edmund nods.

“You know I was kinda in love with her…”

“Jadis?”

“Yes.”

“Ed…”

“Let me finish, even in all her cruelty she was beautiful and magnificent. He thinks about you that way.”

“He is not in love with me.”

“He is in love with the idea of you,” Edmund says.

“That’s ridiculous. I’m not…He is not a girl.”

“As if you cared about that stuff…”

“That was before… before I became this again.” Peter says and he can hear the hate in his voice; the hate for his own body that just doesn’t seem to fit the person he is.

“Before England and its rules made you the boy again. The scared boy.”

“I needed to adapt.”

“And yet you never did,” Edmund says. And that’s true too. He never could. Not after he learned that it didn’t matter who he loved, that love never was wrong. That you shouldn’t care about stupid things like gender. “I see how you look at him, sometimes.”

“I…”

“I don’t care about it and you know that. He is quite fit.”  
Peter stays silent. He never knew his brother had the same feelings. Edmund never seemed interested in men before, but what did he know anyway? He was away half the time, fighting armies and giants and trying to keep his people save.

“I didn’t know.” He says after a while.

“It doesn’t matter anymore. You know now, it’s just…”

“I don’t intend to break his heart,” Peter says.

“Yeah, but you will anyway.” Edmund says with a smile, and Peter can’t say anything to defend himself, because it might be true after all. “It’s okay, it’s better to love and lose…”

“Yeah, spare me. I know,” Peter replies, he is not too sure about it. He couldn’t let go of Narnia and he didn’t love anyone here before. “It would be so stupid to do this.”

“Like was walking into the closet,” Edmund says.  
He might be right about this, Peter thinks.

~+~  
 _Caspian_

So, he thinks, he was stupid enough to nearly free the White Witch again. To let her loose and kill them all. He has no illusions that she wouldn’t have, and if she didn’t, he is sure Edmund or Peter would have killed him.  
Peter, who is the High King.  
He sighs and slides down the wall to sit on the hard floor and stare into the endless darkness. He never could have imagined that this would be his life. And now that it is, he isn’t sure he wants it at all.  
Nothing is like he thought it was. His land is not his and Narnia belongs to…Peter? Maybe. Not him that much is sure. Still he is fighting for it and he thought before he used the horn that he would fight for his people, for his land. That they would follow him. Maybe it was a mistake to use the horn after all. It brought him the High King, sure, but it also brought him Peter. And that’s not the same.

~5~  
 _Peter_

He sees how Susan looks at him and he knows, he knows, because he knows her. Known her longer than anyone else. He is sure she noticed him looking as well. Maybe they should talk about it or share. They shared before. But now everything is different and it seems a bit twisted to share Caspian.  
He also sees how Caspian looks at her. She is safe, he supposes. She is a girl and in times like these he envies her this. That she can just go for it, because she is pretty and it’s the most normal thing to want to kiss a pretty girl.

~+~  
“Peter…” she says softly, sitting down next to him.

“Su…” he answers.

“I…”

“I don’t want to. If he wants you, I will let you have him. I will not fight. I will not share.”

“Peter.” Her voice is strained.

“I don’t want to break his heart.”

“Who says I won’t?” She asks.  
No one, actually. No one. But Peter doesn’t want to be the one who leaves him in pieces.

~+~  
 _Caspian_

Susan is smart and beautiful and shares Peter’s blood. It should be enough. It seemed in the beginning like it would be, but it’s not. His dreams weren’t about her when he was a child, they aren’t about her now either.  
He wishes it were different. He supposes he could settle for her, when…if, Peter doesn’t…but he doesn’t know the first thing about Peter, he just knows the stories about the High King.  
It wouldn’t be fair.

~+~  
 _Edmund_

It’s kind of stupid, Edmund thinks, how they all are dancing around it. Before they would’ve shared. Just let Caspian wander between the chambers, the beds, the siblings and everyone would’ve been perfectly happy, but England changed them. Changed them all more than Narnia.  
Because in their hearts they know that Narnia is their home and that no other place can be that for them.

~6~  
 _Edmund_

He is not afraid, maybe he should be, but he believes in Peter. Peter won wars before and this, this is just a fight.  
Still, he blames everything on Caspian. Maybe Caspian tried to kill him, so he can be himself again, so that Narnia can be his again, so that he can just be with Susan… without all the other confusing thoughts. Maybe his imagination is running wild.

~+~  
“We will do this and wait for Lucy to come back with Aslan,” Peter says; his voice determined. Edmund knows there is no arguing with him when he is like this. It’s this determination that helped Peter win all his battles.

“You are younger than he is,” Edmund says.

“But he is stronger,” Peter answers, he has no illusions about this fight and he wants Edmund not to have any either.

“I know,” Edmund answers, because he does know that.

“It’s the right thing to do,” Peter says, as if that were an answer on its own.  
Yeah, Edmund thinks, that’s the problem right there. The right thing might not always be the best.

~+~  
 _Caspian_

He would have gone with Lucy too, but it seems that she needed to do this on her own. So he just brings back Susan and it’s maybe the first time that Peter is happy to see him.

“Thank you,” Peter says, his face is flushed from the fight and he seems to be in pain, but still he takes his time to check up on his sister, gives Edmund a half smile.

“Well, you were occupied.” Caspian answers and knows that it’s a dumb thing to say as soon as the words leave his lips. Peter smiles, as does Susan. Just this half smile they sometimes share, something that comes with knowing each other so well Caspian suspects.  
He really wishes that Peter will win this. Everything will be over as soon as Miraz is dead. Narnia will be theirs again and he will be able to go back where he belongs. And Peter and Susan… they, he doesn’t know what will happen, maybe the Kings and Queens of old will stay in Narnia like they did more than 1000 years ago.

“You need to smile, Peter,” Edmund says and Caspian watches as he turns around to smile at the Narnians and watches them cheer.  
They believe in Peter, Edmund believes in Peter.  
Caspian believes in the High King.

~+~  
 _Peter_

He’s tired and everything hurts and he is not sure he will survive this.

“I wonder,” he says and feels Edmund tense beside him. “What happens if you die in Narnia?”

“Don’t say that!”

“I… you were always there for me and I…”

“Just shut up!” Edmund says harshly and leaves him. Peter smiles, of course Edmund would not face this possibility.  
And if Peter is honest with himself he doesn’t think they will lose this fight, that they will lose Narnia, he just isn’t sure if he will be there to see them win.

“He is yours,” Susan whispers into his ear and he nods slightly. He knew that, of course he knew that. Years of experience told him that. They told her that too. She laughs softly beside him and squeezes his arm. “You will win, for me, for Narnia, for him.”

“Yes,” and he means it. He will win.

~+~  
It’s not that he can’t do it. It’s surprisingly easy to kill someone. And he’s done it before. More than once, Miraz just doesn’t know that, or doesn’t believe that. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that this isn’t really his fight anymore. This is not the man who killed his father, who tried to kill him. This is something Caspian has to deal with and if Peter is honest he wants to know what kind of king Caspian will be. He knows that Edmund is disappointed, he would have killed Miraz for good. That’s why Peter needs him. That’s why Edmund needs Peter as well. They are two sides of the same coin.  
He isn’t surprised that Caspian doesn’t kill Miraz. So maybe he will be a king like Peter, for better or for worse. He sees Edmund roll his eyes and smiles at him.

“He’s like you,” Edmund says.

“He’s not, but that’s good,” Peter answers and then all hell breaks loose.

~7~  
 _Peter_

Of course, Peter thinks after, of course Aslan comes to save them. Because he always came if Narnia needed him and Narnia needed him badly.  
He is glad, because Narnia deserves to be saved. Caspian deserves to have a kingdom that is as beautiful as that one that Peter had.

~+~  
“Narnia was different then,” Peter says. He isn’t looking at Caspian, he is sure Caspian doesn’t even know why he is here and not downstairs in the hall to celebrate, to be with Susan. Peter knows. Caspian keeps standing quietly in the doorway, so Peter continues. “It’s still beautiful and now it’s yours.” He turns around then to look at the young king. And he is very aware that Caspian is older than he was when he got the crown. (Maybe even older than his current body.)

“I don’t…” Caspian begins and Peter’s eyes go hard and sharp.

“Don’t say you don’t want it. Only a fool would say that. It would be a lie nevertheless.”

“I don’t know what I want,” Caspian admits.

Peter smiles, because that is a lie. “You do.” He answers. “We used to share,” Peter tells him.

“What?” Because Caspian doesn’t understand.

“Susan and I, we used to share our…lovers. Yes that might be the word.”

Caspian’s breath hitches. “Why are you telling me this?”

“So you know. You could go to her… and it would be alright to come back.” Peter answers. He knows that Caspian doesn’t understand that concept that he would never, could never share.

“You are not like I imagined you,” Caspian says, Peter isn’t sure it isn’t an insult.

“Fantasies rarely live up to reality.”

“So…I shouldn’t even expect?” Caspian asks, he is inching away from the door, closing it in the process of moving closer to Peter, who is standing near the window.

“I didn’t say that.”

“I dreamt about Peter the Magnificent when I was a child…” Caspian says and Peter laughs softly, because of course he knew that. Edmund was right. Caspian fell in love with an idea, not the real person. “Now I’m dreaming about you,” Caspian says softly, his eyes intent. Peter can’t look away.

“You said you don’t even know what you want, you are so full of insecurities…”

“I know what I want right now,” Caspian says, he’s standing just a step away from Peter, who didn’t move at all during this whole conversation. Holding his ground, letting Caspian figure out what it is he came here for.

“You think you know what you want, what you are doing, but you have no idea, you have no idea what I could do to you.”

“I do.”

“Yes?” Peter challenges. Maybe he just wants to scare Caspian away, because he is afraid as well. This will leave scars deeper than those he already has. Seems Narnia always leaves him with scars he can’t touch or see. But these are the worst kind.

“You will break me,” Caspian says firmly and Peter looks into his face, so young and still older than he is now. He acknowledges that Caspian said ‘will’ not ‘could’. Maybe the boy knows after all.  
Peter nods and it is consent and permission.  
Caspian hesitates just a second before his hands find their way to Peter’s hips and he is leaning forward to close the small space between their lips.  
Peter really doesn’t want to be the one to leave this boy in pieces, but he knows he will be the one anyway.

~+~  
 _Caspian_

He knows, he thinks he knows, that this will be something he will regret, but the truth is that he will regret not doing it more. He is absolutly sure of it. He wanted Peter to be his… everything. His savior maybe and now he will be the one who will leave him in pieces. Still, even knowing that, he also knows that he will do the same thing to Peter. Edmund told him, Edmund warned him. Edmund threatened him.

“Edmund will kill me for this,” he whispers against the soft skin of Peter’s neck and feels Peter laugh.

“Maybe,” Peter answers. His voice makes Caspian shiver. He never did this before, not with someone like Peter, not with…really just not like this. Peter’s fingers on his skin under his shirt are sure and firm and he is glad that one of them knows what he’s doing. He guesses he always trusted Peter to know what he was doing. “I don’t… I don’t always do the right thing.” Peter says. Caspian kisses him, because he doesn’t want to hear this. He knows that Peter isn’t doing the right thing now, but that doesn’t matter in the least, because it feels amazing and he doesn’t want Peter to ever stop touching him.

“Shut up,” he says kissing him with more force. He can’t give this up, can’t seem to give up control either. He is learning by following Peter’s lead, but he learns really fast.  
Soon he has Peter panting and moaning under him, his skin glistening with a fine film of sweat and Caspian’s saliva.  
This is nothing like what he knows, it’s nothing like what he imagined during these stolen moments he actually dared to think about it. This is a whole new experience.  
He is licking a trail from Peter’s collar bone down to his navel and lower taking his time, as Peter grabs him and flips them over. His head hits the cushion with a soft sound.

“It looks like a halo,” Peter whispers and grinds his hips down onto Caspian’s. He doesn’t understand.

“What?” he gasps, because this seems kind of important.

“Your hair…it looks like a halo.”

He isn’t sure he wants Peter to talk, to… he doesn’t think this will end well anyway, he doesn’t want… except like he really does. That’s why he is here after all. He reaches up and grabs a handful of Peter’s soft hair to yank him down. In the split second before he crashes his mouth against Peter’s he wants to say all the things he was thinking about, he is feeling, but he settles on “I told you to shut up!” instead.

~+~  
 _Edmund_

He knows exactly in the second Susan kisses Caspian. He knows and he wants to kill Caspian, but it was Peter’s decision and he knew. He knew he will not be able to stay, and he knew he would not be able to come back. Sometimes Edmund thinks his brother is stupid and masochistic.

“I'm sure when I'm older, I'll understand.” Lucy says and it could mean anything, but it does not, because she was older and she did understand. Now…now she looks at them and she knows, knows all the things she didn’t before. Or maybe they just thought she didn’t.

“I'm older and I don't think I want to understand...” he answers, and it could mean anything too. She smiles at him sadly, it doesn’t. He doesn’t get Peter sometimes, and she doesn’t either. And no amount of time will make this less true.

~end~


End file.
